Hyde County Hotline
Promoting a Safe and Compassionate Community and Strengthening Families
24 Hour Crisis Line
252-925-2500
What Does The Bible Say About Marriage?
“Husbands and wives submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21
The important words from this scripture passage are “to one another,” as in a covenant-somewhat like a contract. In other words, we will assist and protect each other and our children. Violence or abuse in a marriage violates this covenant.
What Does The Bible Say About Suffering?
Suffering is discussed in the Bible sometimes necessary to achieve a “higher” end. When a person is abused in a relationship, there is no higher end.
Victims of abuse need to know that God is present and does not want them to suffer (Psalms 22&55; Romans 8:38-39)1
Many of us grew up in homes where no one helped us to see that:
* Hurting someone is wrong. * We never deserve to be hurt.
We need to re-learn healthy ways of dealing with someone who is trying to hurt us. We need safe places, we need witnesses, and we need plans for resisting that keeps us safe.
Your Body Is A Temple.
No one has a right to hurt a person…
… Whom God loves so deeply (John 3:16)
…Whom God honors so highly (1 John 3:16)
…Whom God values so completely (Romans 5:7, 8,11)
What About Forgiveness?
When we are hurt we may feel pressure to forgive. Our churches may stress forgiveness but don’t always tell us how to go about it.
While forgiveness is a necessity for the healing of our spirit, remember it is an ongoing process. When a victim is ready, forgiveness can be thought of as an opportunity: It allows the person whoforgives to let go of the pain and move on in their journey of healing.
Forgiveness is a by-product of healing, of becoming whole again, but it takes time. You might not be able to begin working on forgiveness is right away. Thinking about forgiveness is the first step. When you are ready, you can work on forgiveness at your own pace, a little at a time.
What Forgiveness is NOT!
*Forgiveness is not forgetting. * Forgiveness is not condoning. *Forgiveness is not absolution. *Forgiveness is not permission for abuse to happen again. * Forgiveness is not a clear-cut, one-time decision.
What Might Happen On the Way to Healing?
There are several possible stops on the road to healing and forgiveness.
“We deny we were harmed and cover up our hurt so we can survive day to day.
Know that: God wants more for our lives than day to day survival.
“We blame ourselves. We think if we can just figure our what we did wrong, we can ‘fix it’ and stop the person from hurting us.
Remember: We are never responsible for another person hurting us.
” We begin to understand we were not responsible for the harm done to us. We feel helpless and unable to take action. We fail to take care of ourselves. We may even feel that God has abandoned us.
“We feel outraged and may want the other person to suffer as much as we have. We feel trapped because acting on that rage can only hurt us more.
God’s justice includes God’s rage at oppression. Our anger is justifed, but ultimate justice belongs to God. 2
As we move toward healing… We identify ourselves as survivors. Our injury profoundly changed us, but also gave us a new strength. We begin to have hope and strengthen our faith and to hold fast to hope so we are renewed.
Sources:
1Fortune, Marie-“Broken Vows,” Center for the Prevention of Sexual & Domestic Violence, Seattle Washington
2Simon, Sidney, & Simon, Suzanne-Forgiveness
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